May 31st 2009, Sunday. 

Dear Pol, 

 Long time again. Sand prohibited me from writing anything on this blog for a week. It was quite stupid of her and it was even more stupid of me to listen to her. I shall be quite regular here on. 

Nothing much to write today. Watch out for a few updates in the coming days. 

Take care. 

Photon. 

Ps: I got a comment on this blog for the first time last week. I take this opportunity to thank and congratulate dayanandaa for being the first to comment on this blog. 

Wednesday, May 20th

Dear pol, 

I wanted to write a lot of things today. But as I sat down to write this, I discovered that all the interest which I had in the morning to write this had gone. I spent an hour watching a few video clips on youtube and I finally decided to write this thing before I leave for home. 

Sand returned on Monday. She called me up early in the morning to inform me that she was back. She sounded very tired, so she didn't speak much. We exchanged a few messages yesterday but today as I got up, I had a strong longing for her. I called her up very early in the morning. She was awake but not out of bed. We had a very long conversation, probably one of the best in months. No wonder I was in a cheerful mood all day. See what such simple things can do?  

She told me a few interesting things today, concerning this blog. Apparently, this blog has become quite 'famous' in a few circles. 'Famous', in the sense that this blog has made a few people curious about me. I assume that these are the ones who have begun reading this blog ever since I started choosing them. I wanted people to read my blog but I didn't want them to become curious about my identity and start guessing who I could be. To tell you frankly, I don't think they will get anywhere by trying to find out who I could be, for I am a complete non-entity for most of them. Even if I look at them in the eye and tell them that I am Photon, I am sure I will get rebuked for 'lying'. As I told you, I am a non-entity. 

God has given me two things in life ever since 'that moment'. One is the job that I have now. And the other is Sand. In my previous mails, I might have ranted about my job and my boss but I love my job as much as I love Sand. The other thing that I have begun loving these days is this blog. This has given me a new identity, a new quest and a new hobby. I am loving this. 

This afternoon, as I was struggling with the fumes of concentrated sulphuric acid, boss was chirping all the while about why Prabhakaran must not have been killed. I have got tired of this. I understand his feeling for a fellow Tamilian, but why keep sulking over it in a room that is already filled with depressing fumes? I admire one thing in boss though; he can withstand fumes of any strength. He will survive even if you dip him into a bottle of 2N concentrated sulphuric acid. After all, this is what he has been doing all his life. 

I have to go home now. My team is playing today. It's a do or die for them. If I leave now, I will catch a glimpse of Preity Zinta atleast twice. I hope to see her wearing that big smile today. 

Take care. 

Photon. 

15th May, Friday

Dear pol,

Quick follow up this, isn’t it? Yesterday was a good day. Boss was surprisingly in a very good mood and also left early for home. I pretty much had nothing to do. I walked out of the building, out of the campus and called up Sand. I don’t think she was in a good mood. She said she had a meeting in an hour and was preparing for it. I let her go. I walked a little further down the road, bought a tender coconut and returned back. You might not find this interesting, but this is my story. For the first time in a year, I took a stroll during work hours.

I notice that the number of my blogspot profile visitors has been increasing steadily in the last few days. There is a reason for it. I have begun choosing my readers. I want a few people particularly to read my blog and I think I have succeeded in bringing them here. It was actually Sand’s idea. When I told her about this blog, she immediately said she wanted to read it. After reading the posts, she advised me to market the blog so that my posts get some readership. But I did not want everyone to read this blog. I mean this blog will be of no use to random people. Hence I decided to pick my readers. I know some of them personally. Some of them are very close. And most of them know Sand well. They know Sand better than they know me. Other than Sand, there is only one other person who knows that Photon is me. He doesn’t care much about this blog. He thinks I am wasting my time here.

Whilst I have been picking my readers, I have also been reading their blogs. I am proud to say that all my readers have mesmerizing blogs. Sand suggested a few herself, and I too went on clicking randomly to find new blogs. Now that I have access to a computer at work, I spend quite a lot of time reading their blogs. I love them all.

I think I will go and work this weekend. Sand is going away with her friends and I am sure I will die of boredom if I don’t go and work.

I feel a tinge of pessimism creeping into me as I start this day. Let me not pass it on to you. Adios.

Photon.

Dear pol, 

Hasn't it been a long time? So much has happened to me and to the world ever since I last wrote to you. There were times when I desperately attempted to write to you but couldn't due to various reasons. One was my inaccessibility to a computer. Life was relatively hard on me last year, and it probably decided to ease it on me a little bit this year. I have been able to breath in relaxation, look at the mess of my life and take some remedial measures. I hope things improve in the coming days. 

The best thing that has happened to me in the last two years is that I have found love. She is a wonderful girl, really smart, a little reticent and should I even mention her beautiful face. It wasn't one of those breezy no-strings-attached love stories. It took a long time for both of us to realize that we cared for each other. By the way, I forgot to tell you that we met each other only after we fell in love. You can now imagine all the confusion that could have gone through each other's mind. 

My first meeting with her was in a swanky coffee bar. I hate these coffee bars because of the extravagance I see among the people who come there. But she insisted on meeting in one of those places. We did not talk much. I spent most of the time reading the menu and admiring her wrist watch. The second time we met, we couldn't help but hold hands. This was in a park, the one near the stadium. The moment I gripped her sweaty palms and held them in mine I realized how tremendously I loved this girl. She later told me that she felt the same at the moment. We have met a couple of times after that but we have never done anything more than hold hands. The first time, a few minutes after I held her hand, I asked her if I could kiss her and she immediately shook her head and whispered, 'please no'. I know I got carried away in that moment and I spent the rest of the day kicking myself. Love is wonderful yet so frustrating. 

I haven't been following the elections as closely as my boss. He seems to have gone into a state of paranoia ever since elections were announced. He says Karunanidhi must be made India's PM if we are to see any progress. Oh, I dont know. Is he any good? 

I have got myself a small TV now. I couldn't miss the IPL this year. I am a big fan of the Kings XI Punjab and everytime they win, I treat myself to an extra beer. I think Preity Zinta is becoming more and more beautiful as she is growing old. And that reminds me that the last movie of her's that I saw was Kabhi Alvidha Na Kehna. She was too good in that. 

It is going to be another tiring day tomorrow. Sometimes I think my hands might just cut themselves off my body and disappear into a gutter considering the hard work that I make them do. I sometimes dream that its my boss's hands that get cut-off. 

I dont think I enjoy writing these days. I dont know when I will write to you next. Till then, keep safe. 

Photon

Dear Pol,

Its been a fun weekend. I attended the SPEW school reunion this morning. What fun it was! I was seeing most of them after a span of almost 8 years. And I remembered everyone of them. How surprised they were when I told them I remembered their initials too! After all, how could I forget? You know my memory, dont you?

It was in 8th grade that I left SPEW and moved to EMV. So, you will know what memories I had of all of them. The last time I saw them- we were all little boys and girls, the transition from knickers to pants had just begun, some of us had small strands of hair sprouting out of our faces, and girls were getting more and more involved in little secret meetings(No boy knew what they discussed in those meetings though we hadn't left any stone unturned to find out what was it they talked). And today when I saw them, they were no more boys and girls, but men and women. Some working, some studying, some married and some getting ready for a marital life.

I had to really admire how well people were getting along with their lives. There were some who, I remembered, were pathetic at school but were living blessed lives now. Every person I met had a story to tell. I just couldn't stop myself from exclaiming 'Amazing' to every such story. The stories just didnt revolve around their careers. There were lots of stories about relationships- both parental and romantic. Another thing I admired was how beautiful the ladies were. Eight years ago I didnt have the harmones for this kind of an admiration. But today was different. There were a couple of them at whom I couldn't stop staring. Puberty is amazing, isnt it?

So, when we departed after all the song and dance, we decided to meet up again sometime. Looking forward to it already.

Photon

Dear Pol,

Man, how do you think you will feel when your girlfriend gets married and you are kept in the dark about it all? How do you think you will react when you are informed about the marriage the night before the new couple are leaving the country for a post-marriage romantic rendezvous?

Does it sound melancholic? Not that it effected me too much. In fact, I didnt even think much about it. Why should I, when I have never said that I loved her nor heard anything like that from her? But it was funny that someone somewhere thought that I was spending the night under my blanket silently crying over an over relationship. LOL. I know that you know how I felt that night. Frankly man, I didnt give a damn.

I just read the previous para I have written. Adorned with a touch of contradiction, wasnt it? Well, thats just how I am feeling. I dont know what to feel!! Thats what is saddening me. Putting the thing into oblivion is something which I have been trying to do. But it just keeps coming back. I said that I dont think too much about it. Yes, I dont. But my mind does.

I havent got anything else to write.

Photon.